


Grey Matter

by haztobegood



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexuality Spectrum, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Masturbation in Shower
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-20 16:41:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18996505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haztobegood/pseuds/haztobegood
Summary: Louis tries something different to help him fall asleep.





	Grey Matter

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written for the [Wanker’s Day Fic Fest](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/WankersDay).

Louis steps into the shower and sighs as the steaming water engulf him. It’s been a long day and Louis is ready to crawl into his bed though he knows it’s going to be a struggle to get his mind to turn off and fall asleep. He never sleeps well when Harry is away, the too-quiet house and the too-empty bed leave too much room for Louis’ mind to wander. He’s tried everything from counting sheep to meditation. He’d even tried brewing some herbal tea concoction, to no avail.

He tips his head back to wet his hair. The shower fills with the subtle minty aroma as Louis squeezes some shampoo onto his open palm. He massages the soap into his scalp, spending extra time kneading away the built up tension near his temples and the back of his neck. He drags his fingers through his hair as he rinses. The lathered suds snake down the contour of his spine. 

Next he reaches for the body wash, drizzling the pearlescent pink soap across a flannel. He falls into a lull of mundane task of cleaning. He scrubs circles down his arms and across his chest, then down his legs and back. As he washes, his mind wanders aimlessly from thought to thought. A random lyric he’d written, a voicemail from Niall, the grocery list on the fridge. All thoughts that needed to be dealt with tomorrow and would inevitably make sleep hard to come by tonight.

As he’s rinsing the last soapy trials from his legs and thighs, he remembers one thing he’d not yet tried to help him sleep. His cock begins to harden as he anticipates the build up and release. He occasionally enjoys a good wank, and it might just be the thing to relax him enough to stop his racing thoughts from keeping him awake.

His cock is half hard by the time he finishes rinsing and takes it in his hand. He fists his cock loosely, giving a few tugs to bring it to full hardness. He should be able to pull himself off in a few minutes before the shower water turns cold. Hopefully a quick wank will calm his thoughts enough so that he can fall asleep.

* * *

 _Louis was 14 when he wondered when he’d catch up._

_Louis sat at his lunch table, listening as Stan bragged about kissing Kayla at the movies over the weekend. As the other boys at the table crowed about all their own teenage exploits, Louis remained uncharacteristically silent, eating his turkey sandwich and thinking about how he doesn’t really care about any of it. Maybe he’s just a bit behind and he will start to care about girls and dating and kissing next year. They’re still young right? He’s got time to care about all this when he’s older._

* * *

Louis turns, letting the water cascade over his shoulders, down his chest and abs. He plants his feet and reaches down to fist his cock. The water eases his glide as he works his hand, tugging the foreskin gently with his motions. He keeps the rhythm slow and measured as the tightness builds in his abdomen. Despite the pleasure teasing at his nerves, his mind skips like a stone thrown across a pond, splashing from thought to thought as he pulls himself off. His guitar needs new strings, he should wash the dishes, he has to put gas in his car tomorrow.

* * *

_Louis was 16 when he wondered why he was different._

_Louis, Calvin, and Stan crowded around the old computer in Stan’s basement while a video loaded. As Stan pressed play, a kneeling woman took a man’s cock in her mouth. Louis stared just above the computer screen so he wouldn’t have to see. He hoped the video would be over quickly so that Stan and Calvin wouldn’t notice how weird he felt. Louis couldn’t imagine letting someone touch him like that. Shouldn’t he be turned on? Why did he feel so awkward? Maybe there was something wrong with him._

* * *

The practised motions of his hand quickly build up. He leans into the tiled side of the shower to support his weight as the pressure of the impending orgasm increases and weakens his knees. Finally his thoughts begin to fade behind the constant buzz of his nerves. The flushed head of his cock is exposed with every downstroke as he begins to stroke more quickly. He briefly notes that the water is cooler and he’ll need to hurry up.

* * *

_Louis was 17 when he learned that he was asexual._

_Louis scrolled through tumblr. He was procrastinating. He should have been writing songs or practising his vocals, but instead was chuckling at memes and cat videos. Then one post caught his attention. It was a simple text post that sent him down a rabbit hole. That night he didn’t get his work done, but he did spend hours researching about these sexual identities and new terminology. Were there others like him? Was he asexual? How did that term seem to describe exactly how he felt? Everything seemed to click into place._

* * *

He adds a twist of his wrist on every up stroke as he’s getting closer to finishing. He focuses in on his hand movements, tracking the way he swipes a thumb over the sensitive head, the rough drag of his palm without the slick of lube. Louis trails one hand down to his balls as he speeds up his fist. 

* * *

_Louis was 19 when he told someone else._

_Louis licked hotly into Harry’s mouth, pulling a moan from him. Snogging was still new and exciting, after just a few months of dating. They hadn’t gotten more than ten minutes into the movie before they’d fallen into each other. It got heated quickly and hands began to wander. Louis tensed as Harry rocked his hips into his thigh. Harry pulled back at the sudden change. Harry looked so earnest and concerned in that moment, so Louis decided to take the leap and come out to Harry. While Louis didn’t mind kissing, he wasn’t sure if he’d ever want more than kisses. He was grey-sexual. Harry pulled him into his chest, hugged him tight, and whispered that he’d take whatever Louis would give. Was it too soon to love someone? Maybe, but it felt right._

* * *

Louis tips his head against the shower wall, closes his eyes, and drops his jaw in a silent moan. The pleasure builds in his gut and he rocks his hips into his fist. His other hand reaches down and he traces his finger around his balls and back to his hole. The soft press of a dry finger pushes him over the precipice. Colors flash into the blackness behind his eyelids and his legs tense as he comes. 

White splashes across his stomach are quickly washed away by the stream of water. He drops his softening cock against his thing and rinses his hand under the stream. He turns off the shower and reaches out of the stall for a towel. He moves slowly, limbs leaden, as he dries himself and gets ready for bed. His mind is still muted from his release and he falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! [Here](http://haztobegood.tumblr.com/post/185208254528/grey-matter-by-haztobegood-rating-e-word-count) is a rebloggable post for the fic.


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